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Real conversation between Ryan and Isabelle:

"So, tomorrow is the 70th anniversary of the start of the second World War. You should celebrate in style."

"Yeah, I'll be sure to get hella crunk."

Today was the first day of class. I already have tons of homework--egrghjkdjsdjksd. Also, found out that I'll be watching Art House porn in one of my classes. Thank you, Liberal Arts College?

Current Location: room
Current Mood: drained

I just finished my first sophomore paper, a treatise on 'Smokey the Bear'. Actually, his real name is just Smokey Bear, no 'the'. This was for communication class, just...don't ask. Needless to say, I now know more about him than any human ever desired. EVER.

So, back at college, new year, all that. Already writing papers and reading novels...this is NOT fair. Otherwise things are as fine as ever. I've been reconnecting with some people from last year, that's nice. I'm not feeling too homesick, either.

Still, I would love to hear what's going on with everyone.

Current Location: School
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Only The Good Die Young"

Apparently, Inuyasha (the manga) FINALLY ended. Three days ago. I'm weirded out by this.

Just thought someone out there might care. Like Max.

Current Mood: weird

I always have such high expectations for summer. I think before it starts that I'm going to do all these amazing, life-altering things and meet five hundred stupendous people and all that jazz. Then it comes and all I do is go on the computer, work, watch movies and TV. Even hanging out with the friends...who I all love, don't get me wrong...feels kind of aimless. We all sort of...meet up, and talk and wander around shopping areas not really DOING anything. For once I wish we had some sort of purpose for spending time together. Which I suppose is as much my fault as any, for not having an activity planned. But really, what IS there to do?

I guess summer makes me super aware of how directionless my life is. I've been trying to do a little writing lately, but the words aren't flowing very well at all. I'm a little out of practice, I guess. I just feel like I'm watching life go by without experiencing. Reading, writing, movies and television--a lot of my favorite things to do feel so passive. I want to be more outgoing, energetic--and more interesting. I FEEL BORING.

Other fun events in my life: my grandfather is currently visiting from Mexico. He's been living down there because it's cheap, but he's up for the summer and is staying with us most of the time and "looking for a place". He's not going to find one. In case you didn't know, I don't get along very well with this particular relation of mine--but then again, which one DO I get along with? Actually, he's being okay. He hasn't been a drunk or really rude or anything like his last visit. Mostly I feel really awkward around him. He was totally absent from my childhood, so I'm not close to him at all. I don't really respect him very much as a person, let alone a relative. He's been married 5 times. How can you respect someone who's screwed up that many times?

He's not particularly remorseful about it either. He's alienated everyone around him in his life--I have to feel sorry for him as well, since he's a bit pathetic and helpless. My mom is doing a good thing, taking him in. She's a kind and forgiving person, considering the job as a father he's done. I wish I could be as good about as she is.

ALSO DRIVER'S ED SUCKS. But that merits its own entry, really.

Current Location: Home sweet freezing home
Current Mood: thoughtful

Lately, I've been sitting on my ass watching TV. 'Monster', 'The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes'...anything that is a waste of time, really. I haven't been writing much at all. I miss it, I guess, but I'm busy with school so I guess I just don't want to put any effort into anything outside of school. It's kind of sad, I'm not involved in any school activities other than paper, which I put minimal effort into.

Here, 'Pirates of Dark Water':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgx8WjZ_0TE

Did anyone else watch this show? Early 90s? Pirates searching for crystals? Got its ass canceled? Anyone?

I haven't been reading much, either. I'm still trying to finish 'Atonement'...which I've been reading for AGES. Also, I think I might be addicted to the internet. Buying the laptop might have been the best and worst decision I could have possibly made. I think the computer might be contributing to my utter lethargy. I totally never meet anyone, because I'm a sloth. This summer will hopefully remedy that.

This entry has a lot of mights and hopefullys. Hmmm...I need to go do something productive.

GUYS I did a paper re-write! I've done something tonight to stave off the guilt!

Current Mood: bored

Dear Brendan and Max,

"I'm Isabelle!"

Love, your third Triangle point,
Isabelle

PS. Things will get better, I promise. I'm Isabelle, I know these things. Please cheer up and know that you are in the thoughts of the people who care about you.

Current Location: School
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Always a Woman"

Today was amazing. Not only were all three of my classes really interesting, but I found out about

"Perfect Prosecutor"

the Phoenix Wright spin-off game that will undoubtedly be sweeping the nation some time in the future.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Put Your Records On

Harry Potter 7 movie...will be two movies.

How do I feel about this...?

...I don't know. Thoughts?

Current Mood: confused

I pissed off a friend this weekend. I made a tentative promise to live with her in a house off-campus next year and then backed out this weekend. She's giving me the cold-shoulder a bit, when I ran into her in the bathroom she didn't say 'Good morning' to me. I feel guilty about it, but....I felt really pressured to join the house when she asked me a few weeks ago.

How would you feel if all of your friends were getting a house together? Don't you think you would want to live there, even if you don't really want to move off campus? I know I'm not the one who totally screwed up her plans, but I think she's blaming me. AGH, we've never gotten in a fight and I can't gauge how angry she really is. Normally we have lunch at 11:00 together, but I'm not sure she wants to today.

I know this is in many ways my fault, but I can't help but be defensive about it. THIS IS SO HARD.

Current Mood: discontent

NEW STAR WARS MOVIE AND TWO NEW TV SHOWS.

KOTOR TV show please?

Current Mood: excited

Today I failed at a lot of things. At breakfast, I succeeded in dropping/and or spilling everything I got. EVERYTHING. I spent three minutes trying to open the orange juice carton at the wrong end, My coffee mug fell over, my cup of cantaloupe tipped onto the tray, I dropped my peanut butter bagel face DOWN on my tray and I set my tray down on a surface that had a lot of jam on it. Which made the bottom of my tray sticky and rub off on my coat sleeve.

Also I walked through snow with my backpack open.

Life, 1. Isabelle, -600000.

Though the whole thing was kind of funny, really...

Current Location: School
Current Mood: My head hurts...
Current Music: "What Hurts the Most"

It is at times like these where we post obligatory 2007 retrospective types of entries, and I am a firm believer in tradition, so I must. 2007 was a fairly big year in most respects. And so, hopefully, in a non-sentimental, saccharine way, I can summarize the biggest events in my life.

AND SO I GIVE YOU: 2007, A YEAR IN THE LIFE

I finished high school, obviously. I was never so glad to be done with something in my entire life. I think all my RHS friends who are seniors will agree with me. I was done, and so was everyone else. I did my last show at RHS, which of course was as disappointing to me as every show I've ever done at RHS. Ah, but I do not hold grudges. Chances are I will never act again, even so...

In the spring I went to Paris and London. With a bunch of 6th graders. Word to the wise: never do this. For your own mental health's sake, and even for the children. NEVER. Also I saw Equus. Which was amazing. As a play, people, not for the reasons you are thinking of.

My mom took me to places that were important to her and Dad. Mont Marte, where he proposed, and the apartment where my brother was born. It was nice. The entire trip I felt weird, though, and I'm starting to wonder how much of it was physical and how much was emotional.

We Promed, We graduated, we Spreed (is that a word? Is 'promed'?). I was happy with it, I said goodbye to people, I laughed when Mr. Chinn said that he 'loved us'. The thing I looked forward to most in the summer was the trip to Japan, which rather appropriately began on my 18th birthday. I suppose I will not soon forget that birthday, which was technically shorter than any I have ever had. That trip was amazing. Hectic, frustrating, exhausting, exhilarating, emotional, and...perfect. There is nothing like wandering around a 6-block radius for an hour looking for the Pokemon center. With your friends. Or a night in a house in Nagano. Or a swim in a country club pool wearing a pink swimming cap. Or drinking a glass of Lime sake and debating whether or not to order the whale. It may possibly be my favorite trip I have ever taken.

But all good things must come to an end. And new beginnings, of course...begin. I started college. I was scared shitless the first week. I thought I would not make friends, that the crappy camping trip we were forced to take would be...crap. Of course, I ended up meeting all of my friends on that trip, so wow was I full of it. College is exhilarating. I had my first real foray into romance. I learned what it is to be asked out and what it is to dump someone. It was...interesting, and sometimes trying.

College is challenging. People in college are actually, for the most part, intelligent. They are smart. My teachers are hilarious, even when they assign eight-page papers. I started writing for the school paper. I went to parties. I sort of came out of my 'Isabelle zone' for sure.

My grandfather died. My father's father. Who was so aloof, so British, so hard and brusque. I think he would have liked Ryan to visit him in the summer. His wife wouldn't allow it. So Ryan and I went to South Africa in November. My brother and I just did it: got on a plane. Saw relatives we rarely see, who are so closed off. My aunt and uncle don't like to talk about their childhood. They never mention our father. I finally got to really meet one of my cousins. Meet him for real, talk to him, connect. Family is hard. South Africa is weird.

And now, I have returned home. Back from Africa, back from Tacoma. Back from Seattle. I see old friends, and very little has changed. I don't know how much time it will take for things to become distant. I don't want them to become that way, but experience has taught me that people drift apart.

Wow, three continents, one year. Busy, busy.

Current Location: My Living Room
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Time After Time

I want to be home right now. Going home this weekend, I realize, was probably a mistake because I want to be home EVEN MORE badly than I did before, now that I've got a taste of home and I'm going crazy. I really have nothing to do until my Japanese final on Friday, either, so my brain is slowly melting into my skull out of sheer boredom.

I'm snapping at my friends and being anti-social. Overall, I need to fast-forward through the next three days, or I will seriously go postal. Why can't my last final be tomorrow?

FUCK YOU, PIKACHU FINALS!

Current Location: Stupid dorm, stupid school
Current Mood: irate
Current Music: Something stupid

I am probably going to South Africa.

That is all.

Current Location: Dorm central
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Mamboleo!

My brother called me about a half an hour ago.

My paternal grandfather just died.

This is something really strange for me. I've met this guy only a handful of times in my life, but I have this amazingly well-formed image in my head of him. My father spent my whole childhood telling unflattering stories about "Gudgeon" and the crappy father that he was. Of course, they were told in a funny way. I realize now that he really didn't understand my grandmother or my father that well, and he just dealt with it in a typical English emotional-detached way (divorce and boarding school).

The funeral is going to be in South Africa. Even though its probably not a good idea to miss a lot of school at this point, I want to go. Not that many people came to my dad's funeral, and it made me sad. My brother also really wants to go. Of course, it could be over Thanksgiving, in which case I wouldn't see everyone, which would be really sad, too.

I have this really blank feeling. I want to be sad, but I can't force myself to be.

I hardly know him.

Current Location: Dorm room 402
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Remy Zero

...Really I just wanted to show off this icon.

I found a bunch of amazing ones that make me laugh my ass off. I think everyone has a Gay Dumbledore icon now.

And they should.

Current Location: Dorm room 402
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Silence

Well, um, my first attempt at a college "relationship" ended after 2 weeks. Don't worry, though. We just decided we'd be better off as friends. It's all good. I honestly didn't have time for it at this point, I sort of want to date around for awhile before I commit to anything serious...

Still, it was really flattering. Now I just have to get back on track with working hard. This weekend is going to BE RIDICULOUSLY busy. There will be no moment when I'm not doing something, I swear...

Current Location: Dorm room 402
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Something...dunno

So today I had a counseling appointment. This has made me realize how screwed up my family and life is. WOW, what a fun realization, I really like that one. I'm also feeling kind of like I've got a cold. And I've realized that I feel guilty all the time. Guilt is waying me down. I don't even really have much to feel guilty about.

Current Location: Dorm
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Be Yourself"-Audioslave

I haven't updated this thing in AGES. I keep meaning to, then I remember that I have a ridiculous amount of things to say and I don't want to make the effort.

College is...crazy. I'm taking four classes and writing for the paper, which makes for crazy times. Also, I suck at Japanese tests. The class is really easy, and then we have a test and I utterly blow at it. My two papers I've written both got As, so I'm not totally failing at life. Not totally. Socially, I've made a few really awesome friends. And, um...there is a boy. No, I won't tell you his name. Because if I do, you will google him like my MOM DID! And that's just weird. However, should you desire any details, you could drop me a line or whatever.

The last week, I have felt like crap. I have no appetite and I'm really lethargic. I went home this weekend, and it seemed to help at the time, but I'm back at school and feel really weird again. I think I may be a little depressed, actually. Either that or I have mono. This is the four year aniversary of my dad dying, and I think the stress of college is starting to catch up with me, along with that....

I am having a good time, though. I want to hear how everyone else is doing back in the homeland or where ever. Keep me posted.

Current Location: My dorm
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Rainbow Connection"

Well, I'm here and settled in and ORIENTED. I'm really ready for school to start and orientation to....end. It's pretty awkward in most respects. I'm having a hard time meeting people in this environment...I'm trying to remember how I made friends in high school. Can someone remind me how I made friends with them?

I really want to meet lots of guys and relax and unwind for once in my life. I feel so tightly wound, and not in a good way. I just sort of...feel like a boring, experience-less person. Especially considering my mom was giving me drinking advice before she left...yeah, sad.

I also miss my friends, sad though that is. Hi guys, wherever you may be. Don't forget me.

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Classical